


Always in my heart

by Jadeylovesmarvel



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff, Past Relationship(s), Protective Bucky Barnes, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-03-05
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:42:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22882720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jadeylovesmarvel/pseuds/Jadeylovesmarvel
Summary: Y/n fell in love with James Buchanan Barnes at the age of eighteen, but the only trouble was not only was he her best friends brother but he would never notice her in a million years. He was older, cynical, drifted from casual relationship to relationship and resolutely swore he would never fall in love or settle down.On her 21st birthday, however, her relationship with James changed, and soon he was her first love, her first everything but the relationship broke down when Y/n told him she had fallen in love with him only to learn he didn't feel the same and she fled the city with a broken heart.Now a few years later she's back home and ready to face the past and the man who despite her best efforts she is still completely in love with.
Relationships: Clint Barton/Natasha Romanov, James "Bucky" Barnes/Reader, Peggy Carter/Steve Rogers, Rebecca Barnes Proctor/Sam Wilson, Wanda Maximoff/Vision
Kudos: 73





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi :) I've been working on this story for a little while and since The Love Game is nearly finished I will be posting this quite regularly 🙂 This story will be angsty at first but grows fluffier over time. I hope that you all enjoy 🙂

Y/n fell in love with James Buchanan Barnes just as she turned eighteen years old, as the brother of her best friend Becca Barnes he was strictly off-limits. 

To Y/n, he was perfect and so grown up. He was seven years older than her, owned his own company and was absolutely gorgeous.

Unfortunately, James didn't really do relationships and didn't believe in love either, in his eyes it was something to run from, it meant settling down and that's something that he never wanted to do. 

So, Y/n kept the crush to herself merely preferring to lose herself in her studies and not worry too much about men or relationships in general. That all changed on her 21st birthday... 

Her relationship with James changed. James was her first everything, her first love, her first time, she truly fell in love with him. Yet like all the others before her, he broke her heart by not returning the love back. 

She should have known that would happen but she was young, naive and in a relationship with her perfect man. She really believed she could be the one to help him see how beautiful love truly is. What an idiot she thinks exasperated. 

Fast forward a few years later and she's back home for Rebecca's wedding and according to Becca, James has still never changed, he still doesn't believe in love he's grown colder, and more closed off, work is his priority. 

He hasn't been with anyone for over a year as according to Becca he said women weren't worth the stress and the headache when they just up and leave when the going gets tough. 

Y/n knew that was a dig at her as James most likely knew her and Becca communicated very often. 

Regarding her own love life, Since her relationship with James had ended Y/n had two very brief, failed relationships and had come to the conclusion that James Barnes irritatingly will forever own a piece of her heart, no matter how much distance she puts between them. 

And now, she's back home. Outside The Barnes residence and knocking on the door ready to see her ex-lover and twist her already fragile heart in two. 

Steeling herself she plants a smile on her face, she's here for Becca not for him. Goodness, Becca didn't even know about her relationship with James years back and she's not about to tell her now. She is here to be the maid of honor to her best friend and that's it. 

It was time to face the past once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy or post my work anywhere else without my permission 💖


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the bookmarks, kudos, etc for the first chapter. 💖 I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I had a lot of fun writing it, even though its very angsty 🙂

Rebecca opens the door and has her arms around her squealing in delight. 

"I've missed you so much Y/n, I know we skype call with all the girls twice a week but it's not the same as seeing each other is it...? Ma is so happy you're back and James nearly had heart failure every time the doorbell went".

She smiles, nostalgia sweeping over her as she eyes the Barnes residence. Happy times, happier than sad wash over her and she allows Becca to take her through to the kitchen where she's engulfed in hugs from her other friends, who also happen to be Becca's bridesmaids. Peggy Carter, Natasha Romanoff and Wanda Maximoff. 

They are all here with their respective boyfriends Steve, Clint and Vis and she beams having missed this so much, enjoying being engulfed in hugs and love. She doesn't see Bucky anywhere in sight. 

"My dumb brother is with Steve, lost in work". Becca huffs, "That's all he ever does is works, You know how he feels about love and weddings and romance if he could run a mile from this I'm sure he would, ahh, speak of the devil. Bucky look who just got here". 

James has come in with Steve, her heart feels like it's beating out of her chest and she feels sick. Knowing she can't act weird without Rebecca noticing, she plants a smile on her face and nods to him. 

"James". His gaze flicks over her and she appraises him, He's still absolutely gorgeous, his hair is shorter than it used to be when they dated, it used to fall to past his chin and she loved running her hands through it. 

Those blue eyes regard her shrewdly and he swallows and then it's like some invisible force comes over him and his eyes are cold and he nods stiffly. Her heart falls and Rebecca frowns. 

"Seriously? Do you even care about anything? I thought maybe that at least Y/n you would be happy to see?". He scowls. 

"Why? she'll just up and leave again, she's good at that". He snaps and storms off, Becca cursing him as he does. Steve gives her an apologetic smile and follows Bucky. 

"Idiot!" Becca hisses, Y/n desperately tries to hide the tears pooling in her eyes, but it's hard and Becca sees anyway and hugs her tightly, "Oh, please don't cry, he...he was a wreck when you left Y/n for months and months, You were both so close weren't you?". She sighs and continues. 

"I don't know what happened, he just grew colder and colder, he swore off relationships and just had one night stands then finally decided women were too much of a headache and stress and he hasn't bothered since". 

Y/n feels sick, her leaving made him like this? Still, what should she have done? Stayed with a man who couldn't love?. Then again she should have just listened to him the first time and not got her hopes so high. 

"Come on sweetheart". Nat says soothingly and throws a glare at James. "He's an arse with everyone, we are kinda used to it now". She follows Nat and Rebecca her heart sore and hurting extremely bad. 

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

She stays over at Rebecca's, yet can't sleep. Quietly she gets up and pads downstairs to the kitchen to get some water, she jumps and notices James is sitting at the counter and furiously looking over graphs and things since he runs his businesses with Steve from home he was always doing something techy and to do with numbers. He was always amazing with numbers while Y/n preferred the more creative side of things and loved her job in writing. 

He looks up and stiffens seeing her, she bites her lip hating that things have gotten so bad between them. "I'm thirsty," she says quietly and he nods and turns away. He used to look at her with adoration and fondness, now he just looks at her like she's a hindrance and it hurts. 

She gets some water quickly and feels just low, she doesn't know how to fix this? If it can be fixed?. She feels his eyes trained on her and turns to him. 

"Look, I'm going to be here for a while due to the wedding, so why don't you say what you want to say now and we can move past this?". He shakes his head and focuses back on his work. 

"I have nothing to say to you". She pauses and he stops typing for a second, she's just about to leave when he speaks again. 

"No, wait. What did you expect I was going to react like Y/n? All happy and we kiss and makeup?. You left and there was no contact, none. You spoke to Rebecca, but not me. Did I mean so little to you?". 

She steps back winded and recovers after a second. "I was heartbroken James, yes I should have contacted you but said what?. Hi, I know you don't love me and I'm dumb for hoping I could be the one to change your views on love and marriage and kids but let's just forget all of that, I felt like an idiot". 

He swallows, then hardens. "What does it matter anyway? you'll just be leaving again soon anyway so what's the point in hashing this out? You don't mean anything to me anymore". She swears her heart breaks and she nods numbly. 

"Right". She says shakily and he freezes at her tears. "I'll stay out of your way then James". She moves past him to return to the guest room but he isn't done. 

"That's right, just run away when the going gets tough". He snaps and furiously she turns around, rounding on him. 

"I fell in love with you James, you didn't feel the same and yeah I ran away, I shouldn't have but I did. What did you want me to do?. Stay and lose my dignity trying to capture your heart when it could never happen, Do you think I wanted to leave?. You didn't feel the same and it broke my heart". 

"You broke mine!". He yells, "You just left and it tore my heart in two, but that doesn't matter does it? After all, I don't have a heart! I'm a heartless bastard who cares for nothing. It's what everyone believes". She sags and shakes her head, the tears running freely now. 

"I never believed that not for one second James and you know that, I always knew you were capable of love, you just never wanted to believe that". She walks away, the conversation making her heart hurt worse. She heads upstairs and then and only then breaks down. 

💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please do not copy or post my work anywhere else without my permission 💞


	3. Chapter 3

After her talk with James, she stays well out of his way and he makes it easy as he locks himself away with work. Her heart just feels broken all over again at his words and she doesn't know how to feel better?. She's felt jealous hearing about his one night stands after her and just really down that she meant so little to him.

He meant everything to her, he still does. So to take her mind off it, she simply throws herself into wedding planning and spending time with the girls. 

One particular night around a week later as she's doing some overnight planning with Becca and having a good giggle with Sam about various things, Rebecca asks her to retrieve James as she wants to get his opinion for food at the wedding. 

Anxious at seeing him again she heads upstairs and knocks then pauses as she hears a woman's voice, her heart nearly beats out of her chest until she stops and really listens. It's her voice. 

Confused she gently opens the door and finds there is a video of them playing on James laptop, she remembers the day like it was yesterday, it was one snowy morning in December and she had dragged James from the stress of work to just have some fun with her outside. 

They spent the morning kissing and building a snowman, it was beautiful and utterly perfect, they made love by the roaring fire once they were inside and spent the day watching Christmas films. Honestly, it was just the most perfect day. She watches the video for a moment lost in the sweet memories. 

"Come on beautiful, you'll catch a cold". James says softly and bundles her up in his arms, she giggles and gently kisses him, then pouts. "Oh five more minutes Bucky, Please". She kisses him again and cuddles into his chest, sighing, the biggest smile is on her face in the video. 

It hurts her already aching heart, she was so in love with him, so happy. Look at them now though? Barely speaking. She misses him holding her, falling asleep in his arms, being able to talk to him about anything. Just the pure adoration that they had for one another. 

The screen turns blank as the video ends then flashes to Bucky's home screen and a photo of her appears on it. 

She blinks stunned, she's his screensaver? James who is sitting on the bed turns and she flushes at being caught staring at him, there are tears in his eyes and his cheeks turn pink. 

"I forgot that was on there". He says gruffly and doesn't look at her "what do you want?".He snaps and she flushes at the hostility in his tone. 

"Rebecca wants to see you, I'm sorry, I did knock". He closes down the laptop and avoids her gaze. 

"I know you hate me but please don't take it out on Becca". He stiffens and says his voice so small but she hears his next words as clear as day. 

"I could never hate you", he moves past her to go downstairs and she longs for herself and Bucky to just sit down and properly talk out their feelings.


	4. Chapter 4

She keeps herself busy avoiding James, and unfortunately due to the change of weather to more Autumnal temperatures, she feels the first symptoms of a cold come on but abruptly ignores it.

Rebecca needs her and she has her deadline on her book that she needs to finish and she needs to help her parents with redecorating the house. She doesn't have time to be sick. So, she ploughs on regardless and works out place settings and invitations and everything else that Becca needs. 

It's a fairly small and intimate wedding and since Becca is happy planning it herself, Y/n wants to give her all of the help she can get. She doesn't mean to but she falls asleep on the Barnes couch and is woken up by a grumpy Bucky. She staggers to her feet and nearly sways on the spot. He steadies her and she sees a flash of worry on his features. 

As she joins Becca, a reluctant James, Sam and Winnie on making little artificial flower decorations for the trees outside in the Barnes beautiful backyard she feels very faint. She woke up with a fever this morning, the chills, a headache and really bad nausea yet assumed some Orange juice and a warm shower would cure-all. Even her very brief nap didn't help. 

She feels worse and worse as the hour's pass and struggles to concentrate on the simple task and gets up to grab some water. She sways on the spot seeing double of everything, feels the glass slip from her fingers and everything goes blank. 

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

Y/n feels a gentle pressure on her forehead and opens her eyes to see Bucky perched on the bed, his fingers stroking over her hair, he stops and moves away clearing his throat as he notices she is awake.

"Ma's making you soup, you know her homemade cures all chicken noodle soup". Y/n blinks and shakes her head. 

"That's for people who are sick, I'm not sick. I'm fine". She moves to get up, she cannot be sick. "I can't be sick Becca needs me, my parents, I have writing deadlines Bucky I can't stay in bed". He grumbles under his breath. 

"You're not sick?. I knew you intimately for ten months doll. I know you, your body and the way you act. Don't lie to me, get back to bed. You need to rest". She looks up at him tearful. 

"But the wedding plans?". He swallows at her pout then smiles. 

"Could never resist that sweet pout of yours doll, Becca is fine, get some soup and some rest and you'll be fine". She settles back in bed and sighs. 

He fixes her pillow and pulls an extra blanket over her, worry in his features. "Stay in bed, I got you your favourite books and that English breakfast tea that you like and flu meds". She smiles a bit, he used to look after her like this when they were together. He was always so patient and doting. 

"You used to look after me like this when we were together, do you remember Buck?". He pauses and nods still smiling. 

"I did, even though you were so stubborn, I used to love when you looked after me, might have had something to do with that nurse's outfit you used to wear though". She blushes at the memory and snuggles deeper in bed. 

"I missed you Bucky, I hate that we aren't close anymore". He swallows. "It's hard baby". She nods sadly and closes her eyes ready for sleep 

"I know, but I don't mean anything to you so it doesn't matter and you had all of those one night stands after we split, I mean I get it, I". He pauses and chimes in as she sighs softly feeling sleepier. 

"I never should have said that doll, it couldn't be further from the truth and the women meant nothing to me doll, they weren't you". Y/n shakes her head. 

"S'kay". She feels sleep take over just as she hears. 

"No, it isn't and I'm serious, you're the best thing that ever happened to me". She opens her eyes stunned at his admission but he's gone before she can say anything. 

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x 

Bucky is a sweetheart, he brings her soup and water and makes sure she takes her meds. When her fever comes back before finally breaking he stays stubbornly and doesn't leave her side. 

"You're gonna get sick being around me Buck, please go". He shakes his head. "Nope, I'm staying". He settles down beside her and she sighs knowing he won't budge and gets comfy, ready for a nap again. 

X x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x xx 

The nap lasts until early morning and she wakes cuddled up into Bucky's chest and his arms tight around her. She's missed this so badly and when he wakes and sees their predicament she blushes. 

"I'm sorry Buck, I should have moved". He softens and shakes his head. 

"Don't be doll, you needed the sleep. You looked so cute and peaceful, how are you feeling?". 

"So much better". She kisses his cheek. "Thank you, Buck, for looking after me". He gets up and his smile to her is warm and gentle. 

"Anytime doll, anytime". 


	5. Chapter 5

After a few days rest she feels a lot better and there is a sort of bond again between her and Bucky. Still, they do need to talk at some point and air out everything.

Currently, they are at a beautiful wedding vintage store and the men are getting fitted with suits and all the ladies are trying to find the perfect dress, that they love and Becca loves. 

Finally, Y/n comes across the most beautiful champagne gold dress and it is as light as air and has the most gorgeous beading. Becca gasps. 

"Oh babe, try that one please". 

She nods and takes it to try on when she comes out of the dressing room she feels like a princess, it fits like a glove and is just so perfect. 

"Oh my God". Becca squeals "that's perfect". All the girls agree beaming and Y/n feels relieved to have found such a perfect dress. All of their dresses are picked and set now. Becca already had chosen hers so that part was relatively straight forward. 

Bucky comes around the corner. "Bex can you help me with my tie...". He stops and meets Y/n's gaze stunned as he stares at her. 

The girls all giggle and she feels flushed at his intense gaze. Natasha grins. "Come on ladies, Y/n can help Bucky". She winks at the two of them and Y/n blushes but moves over to help him as they leave. 

"Still have trouble with the ties huh?". He nods and smiles. "You look beautiful doll". She concentrates on the tie and thanks him shyly. 

"All done, you look so handsome". He is still starting and it makes her stomach fill with butterflies. She bites her lip and opens up to him, hoping he might open up a little bit to her. 

"Hey, so the wedding is next week? Crazy how time flies huh?". He nods and his eyes bore into hers. 

"You'll be leaving?". She bites her lip and sighs shrugging "All my duties will be done, Becca won't need me any more". He swallows and says quietly. 

"What if I need you?". She stops, she can feel her heart hammering in her chest and looks up at him. 

"Bucky". Before he can say anything else Sam rounds the corner and motions Bucky to come and get a photo with the rest of the guys. Y/n watches him go, feeling an overwhelming urge to just kiss him and stay here forever. 

She can't though, she can't have her heart broken a second time if he doesn't feel the same, it hurt too badly the first time and she isn't sure if she would recover if it happened again. 

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫 

She has received a text from Bucky asking for them to talk, she's nervous and wonders what it is that he wants to say? He's asked her to meet him at a really lovely restaurant not far from her house. 

As she rounds the corner she sees Bucky at the restaurant and a beautiful blonde, he smiles as he hugs her and she kisses his cheek. Y/n feels like her heart has been stomped on and she has to get away from them. She rounds the corner and hurries home in tears. 

So, that's why he wants to talk to her, he obviously has a new girlfriend and wants to break it to her gently, she chides herself for being foolish and hoping for more. Not anymore, she's done waiting and living in a dream world about Bucky. He was never going to want her the way she wanted him. It's time that she accepted that.


	6. Chapter 6

Bucky is pissed, he waited for Y/n for over an hour before he accepted that she wasn't going to show up. He bumped into his friend Carol while he was waiting and she told him about her and her girlfriend Val and their plans to adopt a child together. He was honestly so thrilled for them and it made him even more determined to sit down and talk to Y/n about their relationship. If they could try again.

Yet, she didn't show. He storms up to her house just wanting to know why she just ghosted him and is met with her at the door her eyes look red and puffy and he stiffens. Why is she upset? Did something happen? He finds his anger melting away and swallows.

"Doll, are you okay?. Did something happen? Why have you been crying?. You didn't show to lunch and". Her eyes flash which confuses him.

"Yes, I'm sure that would have been a lot of fun, me like the third wheel sitting watching you and your girlfriend all over each other. Great times".

He frowns, what girlfriend?. "Doll, I think you might have been mistaken". She huffs.

"So I didn't arrive at lunch all hopeful we could try again only to find you hugging some beautiful blonde and her kissing your cheek, that's the way you want to tell me you have a girlfriend?". He shakes his head.

"Sweetheart, she isn't my..." She cuts him off and there are tears in her eyes.

"Fine, fuck buddy or whatever, I don't care. I'm tired of hoping you'll feel the same way as I do for you, I had my heart broken once by you and it's not happening again"

Bucky freezes fuck, he can't lose her, he needs to make sure that she knows Carol is his friend, and in a happy relationship with her girlfriend Val. He can't blame Y/n for getting the wrong impression but she's fretting over nothing.

"Baby, please". They are interrupted by Rebecca arriving and Sam and he swears annoyed, fuck he has to fix this. Somehow.

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💞💫💫💞💞💞💞💫💞

Everyone is out for dinner as the wedding planning is finally finished and Y/n sits with some sweet wine in hand and chatting happily to Natasha and Wanda. Bucky keeps trying to catch her attention and honestly, she has no idea what to say to him.

As she relaxes a bit and just enjoys the chatter, she hears a familiar booming voice and peers up, seeing her ex Thor at the bar, chatting jovially to the barman. He was one of her two failed relationships after Bucky, he was lovely it's just she was still so in love with Bucky and couldn't give her heart to him fully and bless him he was so lovely about it.

They parted quite amicably, she smiles, he was always so happy and chatty, she gets up to say hey hoping he doesn't mind.

"Thor?". He looks up and beams, and pulls her into a massive hug.

"Y/n love? It's so good to see you". She beams and asks curiously.

"Are you in town long?". He shakes his head and says softly.

"No dove, I'm just passing through, it's lovely to see you though, ahh you must be Y/n's friends". Bucky's face darkens as he looks at Thor.

"Who the hell are you?". She glares at him and explains annoyed.

"This is Thor, we dated for a little while". His eyes narrow even more and Thor nods understanding to her and whispers.

"That's the ex huh? He's a bit jealous isn't he?". He looks more amused than anything and soon chats with the whole group, talking about his adventures travelling and generally being a complete sweetheart.

"Buckaroo, if you ain't careful the wind might change and your face will stay like that". Sam says grinning at Bucky's annoyed look.

"Shut up Wilson". Becca smiles at Thor and says grinning.

"Ignore my brother he is a grumpy arse". Thor smiles and continues chatting ignoring Bucky who watches him eyes narrowed the entire time and after an hour of chatter announces that he has to leave as he's catching a flight and gently kisses Y/n's cheek and waves a cheery goodbye.

💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫💫

Unfortunately, it's not the end of Bucky's bad mood as she heads back to Becca's he is hot at her heels.

"What kinda name is Thor? and does he ever shut up?". She huffs and rounds on him.

"Oh, grow up Bucky, I had no idea that he would be there, it's not my fault you're jealous". His eyes flash and he snaps.

"It's not my fault that you're jealous of Carol". Furious she moves past him.

"I don't want to know about your girlfriend James". He growls and barks.

"She isn't my fucking girlfriend Y/n, we aren't together. God, do you ever listen. You're so stubborn. You drive me crazy". He stalks towards her and she gravitates towards him and it's like an invisible force pulling them together.

"Well, ditto". She snaps back, "As I said it's not my fault, I didn't know he was going to be there, we dated Bucky, what do you want me to do ignore him?". His eyes flash and he huffs.

"Did you sleep with him?". The jealousy literally is pouring off him and she sighs still furious, God he pushes her buttons.

"We dated for two months Bucky so yeah sex came up". His body stiffens and she stares at him stunned. "What so it's okay for you to have one night stands but I can't sleep with anyone else".

"No, because you're mine". He snaps and smirks cockily. "I bet Thor didn't make you feel how I made you feel huh?, nothing compares to what we had doll, it was behind mindblowing and you know it, I know it". She ignores him.

"Screw you Bucky". He gently strokes her cheek and she's disarmed by his change of tact.

He swallows and his voice is gentle as he speaks again.

"I'm sorry, fuck, it's just I can't stand the thought of you with someone else, the one night stands meant nothing doll, I've always been yours". She melts into him and admits softly.

"I had two relationships, Thor and a guy called Jake, they didn't work out because it wasn't you Buck".

He caresses over her lips and then he's kissing her and she's kissing him back, their clothes are quickly disregarded as they head upstairs to his room kissing every part of each other they can reach, barely making it to his bed.

The sex is borderline animalistic and Bucky moans as he sheaths inside her and kisses her neck.

"Fuck, I've missed you so much doll". She moans in agreement and moves with him, matching his fast movements, hands gripping his hair and the delicious sensations of pleasure overwhelming her as they both orgasm. It's beyond mindblowing and she kisses Bucky gently as he groans filling her up with his seed. He relaxes against her.

"I've missed this".He says softly as he kisses her.

"Sex has never been like this with anyone else ever doll". She nods, knowing what he means and pulls him back to her.

"I know what you mean, it's you, Buck, it's always been you, not Thor or Jake, You". He smiles and gently meets her lips again. This time the sex is slower, more gentle


End file.
